By: Paulette Watson
Major: English
Year: Senior
Hometown: Alvarado, TX
Lacey White Panties – A Tragedy
A typical walk to my car interrupted by
lacey white hipster panties laying
abandoned on the seasoned sidewalk.
Why are lacey panties deserted on the sidewalk?
How does one even lose panties on a sidewalk?
What if, the panties began to creep and crawl
one time too many? In a last-ditch effort, a girl
shimmied out of them. Yelling,
FREEDOM!
Wait! Did a geek — dweeb? — talk her out
of them and carelessly lost them?
Did they fall out of a loosely zipped gym bag or luggage?
Suppose someone partook in day drinking,
deciding on a whim to go commando?
Or, what if she lost them in a
frenzied quickie on the corner?
However, someone might’ve, in an
Ambien haze charitably chose
to donate all their panties
to a local domestic shelter?
This lonely pair of lacey white panties
escaped the plastic shopping bag.
Can you imagine the look on her face when
she woke to discover zero underwear in her drawer?
Maybe a fumbling frat boy lost his
grip on this lacey pair, costing his fraternity the panty cup?
Perhaps, this unfortunate person fell into
a sneezing fit that triggered a monstrous fart!
Which, shot the panties straight off without notice?
Once, after a disastrous shart, I
trashed my pretty panties, rather
than spend one second in soiled ones
As I pondered the forlorn panties
I felt they needed a friend. So,
I shimmied out of my silky black panties too.