By: Courtney Langston
“Merry Christmas ya filthy animal”
What a classic line. You can’t get movies of this quality anymore. Now it’s all this Hallmark BS with washed up child actors. I can hear the first line of any of these bullshit movies and know how it’s going to end. I’d bet you my beat up Cadillac on it.
Damn, I need more brandy. My go to holiday beverage? Two-thirds brandy, one-third eggnog. Keeps the season merry and bright don’t you think? If I could grow a beard I would dress up as good ‘ole Saint Nick and walk around the block making people laugh; that would be my contribution to people’s joy this year. Looking outside the window, the neighbors are putting up another damn blow up snowman. Muttering to myself, I curse those damn things. Since when did Christmas become such a commercial holiday? Maybe I try it the Jewish way this year. I could just buy myself eight gifts and call it done. Merry Christmakkuh everyone. Falalalalaaaaaaalalalala.