I am tired. I am sick. Tired of this place, and tired of being alone. Tired of trying too hard to put myself out there. To make myself seen. To stand out; to dazzle my girlfriend. Stuck in a classroom, with this iPhone 17 of mine always in my pocket, maybe that’s why I’m tired and sick.
I am physically sick at the moment. A sore throat, a thumpy son of a gun. It doesn’t hurt, but it isn’t normal. And I like normal. I got it checked out by a nurse the other day. Wasn’t mono or strep, so it’s probably allergies. I thought maybe I got something from my girlfriend since we’ve made out a few times recently. Which was heaven, but not heaven, if that makes sense. It gets boring pretty fast.
She is a nursing student, a lovely being, a ginger who will always stand out, at least to me. The most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a while. You know, with her being around a lot of people just because of what she studies, I’d expect to get sick from her sooner or later. She also had mono in the past, from her previous boyfriend, I believe. So maybe that’s why I checked. Plus, I’m a college student, and it seems like a normal thing to get nowadays. As you know from a quick search, mono comes from a virus that can stay dormant in the body even after the symptoms fade, and sometimes it can reactivate.
But this phone of mine; it’s always in my pocket. Always there, waiting for a thump. Just like the sickness sitting in the pocket at the back of my throat, my tonsils constantly draining. Maybe I’m just tired of always having something there. Something draining, asking for my attention. Right now, I just want to lie in a pocket created by my western quilt and a silver, soft blanket, with my phone.
I’m so tired.