“Crushed” by Ally Ameel

More than anything, I wonder why you’ve decided to make yourself at home in my mind before I’ve gotten a chance to really know you. You are glimpses and waves, a hello and you look nice. I meant it by the way. I want to do so many things. Not specifically with you, but you happen to be the stand-in for the moment. The actor filling in for the role of a love interest in my daydream. Who knows how long it will be until you quit and someone else takes your place? For now, I wonder what it would be like to listen to music, sharing a pair of earbuds between us. I imagine our hands swinging by our sides and maybe reaching out to intertwine with one another. I think about what you might want to talk about. You could teach me something new that would forever be yours even when you’re long gone- an album, at the very least a song or two, a restaurant that I may never go back to or your favorite color that I’ll start to see everywhere I go. You could teach me to play an instrument or exchange a part of your heart with mine, never to be returned. I’m sure my mind is the only place I’ll really spend time with you, and it will all be made up. It may feel real for a while. But it’s just a stage, and this is a play. While I may be the writer and the director and the lead actress, you’re just reading from a script. I suppose I would fail miserably if it was real life and everything was improvisation. At least I know what you’re going to say this way. Much safer. But much less exciting. And somehow far more disappointing. Because, in the end, when I look around, I’m still alone. Nothing can cover up that fact.