Tips and Products for More Peaceful Poops

Brianna Harkins, senior writing major from Fort Worth, Texas

Disclaimer: You are about to read way too much information about my body and bowel movements.

I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or IBS. This is just fancy terminology doctor’s use to say, “You have a ton of inflammation in your gut, but we can’t figure out why. Good luck with that.” What does IBS look like for me? I go back and forth between constipation and diarrhea, I have painful gas and bloating, abdominal pain, acid reflux—anything but a happy, healthy gut. Not only is IBS painful, it is incredibly embarrassing and inconvenient.

Because of my IBS, I have experienced:

  • frequent emergency trips to the bathroom that can take up to 45 minutes
  • needing to suddenly leave events, hangouts, stores, movies, etc.
  • carrying an extra set of clothes in my car just in case
  • “accidents”
  • uncomfortable sex and avoidance of intimacy out of fear of something happening
  • rashes, tears, and folliculitis “down there” no matter how clean and careful I am
  • extra uncomfortable menstrual cycles
  • feeling the need to defecate but nothing coming out
  • not knowing if I’m “done” using the bathroom
  • thinking I’m done, but after standing back up and walking around I have to rush back
  • painful and burning defecation
  • fear of going anywhere besides my home or my boyfriend’s home
  • fear of public bathrooms
  • being late to work, school, and other things
  • needing to use the restroom several times within a short span, which frustrates those around me
  • trips to doctors, specialists, the ER, and Care Now.

…the list could go on and on.

While I have not figured out how to heal my IBS, I have found some things that help with what I call IBS aftermath—what happens during and after constipated or diarrheal bowel movements. I do not want to give recommendations for stuff like medications, diets, and supplements because everyone’s battle with IBS is different and, well, I’m not a doctor. However, the tips and products I use for my IBS aftermath should be beneficial to everyone including those without IBS, but especially those with it or similar gut issues.

Brianna’s Tips and Products for IBS Aftermath

1) Squatty Potty

Seriously, you’re an adult, just get one. If your friends make fun of you, just know they will have hemorrhoids one day and will be begging you for forgiveness. Squatty potties help get things moving if you are constipated and help get everything out because your body is properly aligned. They come in a variety of styles, from plastic to bamboo, and different heights to suit your needs. I have this one—easy to clean plastic, foldable for discreet storage.

                                   

2) Peri Bottle

Think of it as a hand-held, portable, affordable bidet. I fill mine with lukewarm water and spray it on my rear end to help cleanse and soothe the area. Using a peri bottle not only helps your skin, but it can help you use fewer wet wipes and sheets of toilet paper. I have this one, but they are all pretty much the same so get whatever you like!

3) Baby Wipes

If you can, use one after every bowel movement. Using a moist, soft towelette on your nether regions is much less traumatizing to the skin. Just make sure the wipes are fragrance free and check the ingredients for anything you may be sensitive to. If you do not want to use wipes because they are not the most environmentally friendly things ever, see #4. Whatever you do, DO NOT FLUSH THEM!!! Even if they say flushable or biodegradable, they are not. Take it from the plumber who had to fix my parents’ pipes…

4) WipeGel

A soothing, fragrance-free witch-hazel and prebiotic based gel. Pump a pea to dime sized amount (I promise you, a little goes a long way) on your toilet paper to wipe your booty hole and only your booty hole. Put a dab on a baby wipe for extra cleansing. It truly helps when you have burning or just want to feel cleaner. It’s a little pricey at $21.99 a bottle, but the website says one bottle should last two to three months. In my experience, a bottle lasts at least six months. The link above is to Amazon’s listing, but here is the product website.

                                    

 

5) Aquaphor

You can buy this stuff pretty much anywhere. This is probably the grossest step in my process, but hands to heaven it helps. After a bowel movement, after cleansing and drying the area if possible, put a pea to dime sized amount on your finger and gently swipe it around the anus. If that is an absolute “hell nah,” then try putting the Aquaphor on a Q-Tip and, using a hand-held mirror for guidance, apply the salve to the area. I use this before bed as well.

6) Poo-Pourri Toilet Spray

This is another you’re-an-adult-so-get-you-some item. While it does not help your body, it does help your bathroom and the sanity of those sharing a space with you. It works way better than any air freshener I have used. Just spray the commode cologne three times onto the surface of the water in the toilet bowl before doing your business. I even carry a travel-sized one in my purse.

7) Dry yourself down there.

This is especially important for those with female genitalia to help avoid yeast infections and UTIs. After cleansing, gently pat the area with a soft cloth or use a blow-dryer on the lowest setting. My complete method is cleanse→dry→apply salve→put on undies→go about my day.

8) Do not shave your starfish.

Your perianal and perineal skin is incredibly thin and easy to damage. Do not shave it, and use electric trimmers for the rest of the buttock area. I know, I know—with today’s hyper-fixation on smooth, hairless skin, not shaving can be a terrifying notion. I get it. But, the tiniest nick can turn into full-blown folliculitis, and folliculitis is much more uncomfortable and distressing than having a normal, fuzzy starfish. If your significant other cares more about your being hairless than your health, they do not need to be your partner anymore.

Well friends, that’s what I’ve got. I hope my trial and error can help someone else avoid their own. Here’s hoping for a future with more peaceful poops.